Paradise Lost: A Summary

The Devil was once an angel too,

The most beautiful in the land,

But then Luci threw a temper tantrum,

That got slightly out of hand.

So Michael said “Luci, go to hell,”

He’d made big brother mad,

And Luci and his rebel angels fell

Because they’d been naughty and bad.

There Luci pouted on the fiery beach,

Scheming, Leviathan and large.

His revolutionaries had taken quite the hit,

Though Moloch still suggested a barrage. 

In Pandemonium they talked politics,

it was pandemonium indeed,

to storm on heaven or make a heaven out of hell?

at last they all agreed:

A counterattack would be unwise, but they certainly couldn’t stay there.

Rumours of a new creation came to light, God’s favorite toy to boot 

To poison this Eden, hey that’s a swell idea, 

And Satan goes “I VOLUNTEER (as tribute).”

He flies to the garden, cries a little bit on the way,

‘till he reaches earth and spies the two humans, merry and gay. 

Eve is bammin’, slammin’ bootylicious, and Adam has nice hair,

And while they’re busy doing God’s work, he sneaks in, catching them unaware.

He takes the form of a snake, and whispers bad things in Eve’s ear,

Like movie spoilers, rising gas prices and “hey go eat that apple over there.”

Adam and Eve, not knowing better, free will, ignorance is bliss blah blah

Take massive bites, then feel bad and contrite, while Satan laughs, ha ha. 

Adam and Eve get voted off the garden, they have to leave for good,

and the animals now eat each other because our progenitors didn’t do as they should.

Poor Luci doesn’t get the last laugh; God turns all his crew to legless snakes,

Left to slither forever more in the pit with no escape.